A ONE ACT PLAY WITH 2 SCRIPTS FOR 3 PLAYERS

PLAYER 1: How do we begin?
PLAYER 2: We?
PLAYER 1: Yes, we.
PLAYER 2: You and I?
PLAYER 1: Yes, here. Now. How do we begin?
PLAYER 2: I suppose we already have.
PLAYER 1: Have we?
PLAYER 2: We are acting, aren’t we?
PLAYER 1: Yes...Well, no.
PLAYER 2: No?
PLAYER 1: No, we are...
PLAYER 2: I,-
PLAYER 1: But we aren’t.
PLAYER 2: Aren’t what?
PLAYER 1: Acting
PLAYER 2: Oh, right.
PLAYER 1: Right.
PLAYER 2: Why not?
PLAYER 1: Were reading, but what action is reading?
PLAYER 2: Well, not acting.
PLAYER 1: No.
PLAYER 2: Right.
PLAYER 1: But still...
PLAYER 2: Still what?
PLAYER 1: We’re still acting.
PLAYER 2: Why?
PLAYER 1: Well, were reading a play, and actors are people in plays.
PLAYER 2: Right...but we’re not acting as anything. Are you?
PLAYER 1: I don’t know.
PLAYER 2: What do you mean you don’t know? Are you being yourself?
PLAYER 1: I guess so...
PLAYER 2: You guess so? Well ARE YOU!?
PLAYER 1: I’m just reading what it's telling me to say.
PLAYER 2: What’s telling you what to say?
PLAYER 1: The script.
PLAYER 2: Oh, right. So is mine.
PLAYER 1: Yeah...
PLAYER 2: Right...
PLAYER 1: Wait, no.
PLAYER 2: No?
PLAYER 1: Scripts don’t actually tell us anything.
PLAYER 2: Yes they do, they tell us what to say.
PLAYER 1: Say what?
PLAYER 2: Whatever you’re saying right now.
PLAYER 1: I’m not saying anything right now.
PLAYER 2: Yes you are...well, now I am, but you were.
PLAYER 1: Were what?
PLAYER 2: Saying something, you were saying whatever the script said.
PLAYER 1: Oh...I guess I was.
PLAYER 2: Yeah.
PLAYER 1: But not REALLY.
PLAYER 2: Huh?
PLAYER 1: I was just READING it, I wasn’t SAYING it.
PLAYER 2: Well you SAID the words for your line, not me.
PLAYER 1: Yeah, I SAID it, but I didn’t make it up.
PLAYER 2: You didn’t?
PLAYER 1: I don’t think so.
PLAYER 2: You don’t think what?
PLAYER 1: I don’t think I wrote down here what to say, I’m just reading it.
PLAYER 2: You didn’t write the script?
PLAYER 1: No, unless I’m Neal Reinalda.
PLAYER 2: Are you?
PLAYER 1: I might be...
PLAYER 2: Well, are you or aren’t you?
PLAYER 1: I don’t know, I’m just reading the script.
PLAYER 2: YOU DO TO KNOW! TELL ME!
PLAYER 1: WELL WHO ARE YOU?!
PLAYER 2: I’m...I am who I am.
PLAYER 1: You’re an asshole.
PLAYER 2: WOAH man, take it easy!
PLAYER 1: Hey, don’t get mad at me, I’m just reading my lines.
PLAYER 2: Whatever.
PLAYER 1: ...
PLAYER 2: ...
PLAYER 1: Are we done with this play yet?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know? Are you done?
PLAYER 1: I guess not, I’m still reading.
PLAYER 2: Yeah, me too.
PLAYER 1: Hey, where’s the third guy?
PLAYER 2: Huh?
PLAYER 1: The third player, where are they?
PLAYER 2: Right now they’re in their bedroom writing this.
PLAYER 1: What?
PLAYER 2: Huh?
PLAYER 1: You just said the third player is in their bedroom.
PLAYER 2: Yeah, but I don’t know who that is, do you?
PLAYER 1: Well, I bet alot of people are in their bedrooms right now.
PLAYER 2: Yeah...are we?
PLAYER 1: Are we what?
PLAYER 2: Are we in a bedroom right now?
PLAYER 1: I don’t know...well, I do, but I can’t say exactly because I have to read this script.
PLAYER 2: Do you even know who I am?
PLAYER 1: I don’t know, I might, I-
PLAYER 2: This is pointless.
PLAYER 1: Yeah, probably...where is the third player?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know, I don’t even know the third player.
PLAYER 1: Hmmm...
PLAYER 2: Why haven’t they had any lines yet?
PLAYER 1: Who?
PLAYER 2: The third player, I mean, this plays called “A ONE ACT PLAY FOR 3 PLAYERS”
PLAYER 1: Well...WAIT! You said the third player was in their bedroom writing this.
PLAYER 2: That’s right.
PLAYER 1: Who wrote this script?
PLAYER 2: You said Neal Reinalda wrote it.
PLAYER 1: Did I?
PLAYER 2: I think so. Are you Neal Reinalda?
PLAYER 1: Um...I can’t say because I have to read the script. I might be.
PLAYER 2: Hey...how do I know your not lying to me?
PLAYER 1: What! Why would I lie to you?
PLAYER 2: You said you have to read the script but how do I know you have to? Are
you at gunpoint? Will you die if you don’t read the script?
PLAYER 1: I hope not.
PLAYER 2: Yeah, me too...this is frustrating.
PLAYER 1: What is?
PLAYER 2: This conversation.
PLAYER 1: It’s kind of one-sided.
PLAYER 2: Yeah, the third player never lets anybody else talk.
PLAYER 1: What about us? We’re talking.
PLAYER 2: No were not, we’re just reading.
PLAYER 1: Acting you mean.
PLAYER 2: Maybe, what re you acting like?
PLAYER 1: I don’t know. I guess I’m acting like whatever a actor acts like when their
acting.
PLAYER 2: Good point.
PLAYER 1: (sigh)
PLAYER 2: I feel like I can’t connect with you right now.
PLAYER 1: What? Why?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know...This just feels so forced.
PLAYER 1: I’m sorry.
PLAYER 2: It’s ok, it’s not your fault.
PLAYER 1: ...
PLAYER 2: It’s just...why are we reading this script?
PLAYER 1: What do you mean WHY?
PLAYER 2: You know, like what’s the point in reading this script, we’re not learning
anything.
PLAYER 1: We might be.
PLAYER 2: I doubt it. It’s just...why would the third player -what’s his name again?-
PLAYER 1: Neal.
PLAYER 2: Right - Why would Neal write this if it’s not even about anything other than
us talking to each other?
PLAYER 1: Um-
PLAYER 2: I mean he didn’t even show up.
PLAYER 1: He didn’t?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know! NO! That’s not even true, I might know, he might be standing
next to me right now, I might even be him, but I can’t say because I’m reading
this script.
PLAYER 1: He sounds kind of self-absorbed if he wrote this whole play and keeps
talking about himself.
PLAYER 2: Well your the one talking about him.
PLAYER 1: You’re right... sorry.
PLAYER 2: You don’t have to be sorry, It’s Neal’s fault.
PLAYER 1: No, I’m not sorry for that, I’m sorry that we spent this time reading this script instead of having a real conversation.
PLAYER 2: What do you mean? This is real!
PLAYER 1: Only sort of real.
PLAYER 2: I’m real.
PLAYER 1: You might be...
PLAYER 2: Whatever, I’m real if I say I’m real.
PLAYER 1: I’m pretty sure realness is more objective than that.
PLAYER 2: How do you know?
PLAYER 1: (shrug)
PLAYER 2: Well, I want to be real if I’m not.
PLAYER 1: You probably are real, you look real.
PLAYER 2: Thanks.
PLAYER 1: Well ...assuming we're real... do you want to go out later?
PLAYER 2: Um...maybe. Where do you want to go?
PLAYER 1: I dunno, just to get coffee or something, you know, and have a REAL conversation.
PLAYER 2: What’s wrong with this conversation? It’s not good enough for you or something?
PLAYER 1: No, It’s just that -I- This isn’t-
PLAYER 2: This seems real to me.
PLAYER 1: I guess your right, I mean how much could I connect with you in a “real”
conversation anyway? I mean, were different people. What if this is as real as
we ever get?
PLAYER 2: I guess that’s just the way it is...
PLAYER 1: That’s sad.
PLAYER 2: Why?
PLAYER 1: I don’t know, that’s just what the script says.
PLAYER 2: Oh, right.
PLAYER 1: ...
PLAYER 2: ...
PLAYER 1: So how do we end this play?
PLAYER 2: I guess we just have to wait for the script to end and then it’s over.
PLAYER 1: Then what?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know, then it’s just over.
PLAYER 1: What’s over?
PLAYER 2: The play
PLAYER 1: Can it be over if it’s not even real?
PLAYER 2: UGH... not the real thing again.
PLAYER 1: Well...I’ll miss you when your not around.
PLAYER 2: No you won’t, you’re just reading that.
PLAYER 1: I might.
PLAYER 2: I guess it doesn’t really matter.
PLAYER 1: No, none of this really matters does it?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know, it might.
PLAYER 1: What might?
PLAYER 2: I don’t know, I don’t even know what were talking about right now.
PLAYER 1: Oh...
PLAYER 2: ...
PLAYER 1: ...
PLAYER 2: ...
PLAYER 1: Well...I love you.
PLAYER 2: ...I love you too...
PLAYER 1: ...
PLAYER 2: ...